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About Tweens & Teens

Tweens and Teens are different than younger childeren. The parenting techniques you used during early child hoold will not work. To parent them and work with them, it is important to understand where they are coming from.

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Understanding Tween and Teen Development

Navigating conflict with tweens and teens starts with understanding what they’re going through:

  • Physical Changes: Their bodies are changing fast—growth spurts, hormonal shifts, and the onset of puberty can make them feel out of control or self-conscious.

  • Emotional Changes: Intense emotions, mood swings, and a growing need for independence can lead to misunderstandings and emotional outbursts.

  • Cognitive Changes: They're thinking more critically and questioning more—but that also means they may push back, argue, or challenge authority.

  • Social Changes: Friends start to matter more than ever. Fitting in, peer pressure, and shifting social dynamics can be confusing and stressful.

  • Sexual Development: Curiosity about relationships, attraction, and identity begins to surface, often with uncertainty and awkwardness.

Physical Development

  • Rapid growth spurts and changes in body shape/size

  • Onset of puberty (acne, body hair, menstruation, voice changes)

  • Increased need for sleep due to hormonal changes and growth

  • Awkwardness and self-consciousness about physical appearance

Emotional Development

  • Heightened sensitivity and mood swings

  • Increased need for independence and autonomy

  • Struggles with self-esteem and identity formation

  • Stronger and more complex emotional reactions

Cognitive Development

  • Development of abstract thinking and reasoning

  • Questioning of rules, beliefs, and adult authority

  • Beginning to form personal values and opinions

  • Improved problem-solving, but still prone to impulsivity

Social Development

  • Intense desire to fit in with peers and be accepted

  • Shifting relationships from family to friends

  • Peer pressure becomes more influential

  • Exploration of romantic relationships and dating

Moral Development

  • Developing a stronger sense of right and wrong

  • Grappling with fairness, justice, and ethical dilemmas

  • May challenge parental or societal values as part of identity-building

Sexual Development

  • Curiosity about sex, attraction, and gender identity

  • Experimentation and exploration (emotionally and physically)

  • Vulnerability to misinformation and peer influence

  • Need for honest, respectful, and age-appropriate conversations

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How Teens View The World

 

  • "It’s all about me." – Teens tend to be egocentric, often seeing situations primarily through their own perspective.

  • "You don’t understand." – They may feel misunderstood by adults, believing their experiences are unique or no one has ever felt what they’re feeling.

  • "Now matters more than later." – The future feels far away; immediate rewards or consequences carry more weight than long-term outcomes.

  • "What will others think?" – Peer approval and social image become critical, often influencing behavior more than adult guidance.

  • "Rules should be questioned." – As their cognitive skills grow, teens start to challenge authority and evaluate fairness and logic in rules.

  • "I want to belong, but I want to be me." – They crave connection and acceptance but also strive to define their individual identity.

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